Thursday, October 20, 2005
Coming to an end of chaos again
Did not have such a good celebration last week. Had a major outburst and quarrelled with a long-time friend that day. Guess I've finally letout everything that had been piping up in me all this while. And that wasn't the last straw. Anyway, I din manage to stay angry for long, cause our 16-year-old friendship is not that easily broken (sounds familiar, Lady28?). I've known this friend since Pri 3. We drifted a bit while studying in diff secondary schools, but reunited again in JC and Uni. Guess we still have many more years of friendship to come.
I've heard of this theory:
Sometimes, your behavior in front of different groups of people differs due to the time of acquaintance.
You are more likely to display your playful, silly selves in front of your schoolmates/childhood friends, because at that stage of your life when you first met them, you are at your most innocent/ wild stage.
As you step into the workforce, and get acquainted with co-workers, you've learnt how to protect yourself, impress others, and think for your best interests. That is why your behaviour among your co-workers or friends acquainted during this stage of your life is one of a serious, mature one.
Moving on, as you have your own family, you will start to have conversations about your children, your house and your insurance, with the people you get acquainted with at that point in your life.
Guess that explains why I always feel a need to keep in close contact with my schoolmates, especially primary schoolmates as they are the ones whom I can reveal my playful self without feeling awkward, or putting on a facade.
I do miss my hallfriends terrible as we've not had the chance to meet up as frequently as we would like to. They are the ones who have witnessed how much I've grown and matured; laughed and cried with me over major happenings of our lives; braved storms and enjoyed the warm bliss of the sunshine while living together. There will always be a softspot in my heart reserved specially for them, my comrades.
Talking about comrades, there is also a group of very nice people working with me right now. Though I've not been working with them for very long, it has been a fruitful learning experience.
Some ups and downs here, and I overcame them with the help of my comrades at work. I wonder if I can find better working friends than these people here with me in the future.
Been sharing a lot with my comrades at work. I was feeling depressed, very depressed, over a lot of things previously. Towards the end of July, I had to deal with a friend's passing, and that was something that hit me real hard. I couldn't understand a lot of things, and why they happened. I was so lost and very angry over many things. It was also then that I realized how powerful depression is, and that depression is a fearful enemy who strikes you unknowingly but heavily. But I am glad people ard me have understood, and waited patiently for me to pull myself together, and along the way, lend me a helping hand.
Recently, I've had some grievances as well. Stress, expectations, perfectionism, obsessive-compulsion, all worked against me, and drove me up the wall. They sum up every single thing I felt I was going through. I agree that I am obsessive-compulsive to a slight extent, and not exactly a perfectionist. When I want to do something, I jolly well made sure I put my 101% into it, or else I would not even bother. And these are not exactly the desirable traits one might expect, especially in the situation I'm caught up in. The last straw came when I realised no matter how much more effort I put in, as long as I don't get the sense of fulfillment that I hoped for, I would never be happy. Thus, the search for my true passion in life will have to start all over again.
I'm gibbering again. I shall retreat for sometime and sort out my thoughts. Period. ¶ 10:06 pm
Did not have such a good celebration last week. Had a major outburst and quarrelled with a long-time friend that day. Guess I've finally letout everything that had been piping up in me all this while. And that wasn't the last straw. Anyway, I din manage to stay angry for long, cause our 16-year-old friendship is not that easily broken (sounds familiar, Lady28?). I've known this friend since Pri 3. We drifted a bit while studying in diff secondary schools, but reunited again in JC and Uni. Guess we still have many more years of friendship to come.
I've heard of this theory:
Sometimes, your behavior in front of different groups of people differs due to the time of acquaintance.
You are more likely to display your playful, silly selves in front of your schoolmates/childhood friends, because at that stage of your life when you first met them, you are at your most innocent/ wild stage.
As you step into the workforce, and get acquainted with co-workers, you've learnt how to protect yourself, impress others, and think for your best interests. That is why your behaviour among your co-workers or friends acquainted during this stage of your life is one of a serious, mature one.
Moving on, as you have your own family, you will start to have conversations about your children, your house and your insurance, with the people you get acquainted with at that point in your life.
Guess that explains why I always feel a need to keep in close contact with my schoolmates, especially primary schoolmates as they are the ones whom I can reveal my playful self without feeling awkward, or putting on a facade.
I do miss my hallfriends terrible as we've not had the chance to meet up as frequently as we would like to. They are the ones who have witnessed how much I've grown and matured; laughed and cried with me over major happenings of our lives; braved storms and enjoyed the warm bliss of the sunshine while living together. There will always be a softspot in my heart reserved specially for them, my comrades.
Talking about comrades, there is also a group of very nice people working with me right now. Though I've not been working with them for very long, it has been a fruitful learning experience.
Some ups and downs here, and I overcame them with the help of my comrades at work. I wonder if I can find better working friends than these people here with me in the future.
Been sharing a lot with my comrades at work. I was feeling depressed, very depressed, over a lot of things previously. Towards the end of July, I had to deal with a friend's passing, and that was something that hit me real hard. I couldn't understand a lot of things, and why they happened. I was so lost and very angry over many things. It was also then that I realized how powerful depression is, and that depression is a fearful enemy who strikes you unknowingly but heavily. But I am glad people ard me have understood, and waited patiently for me to pull myself together, and along the way, lend me a helping hand.
Recently, I've had some grievances as well. Stress, expectations, perfectionism, obsessive-compulsion, all worked against me, and drove me up the wall. They sum up every single thing I felt I was going through. I agree that I am obsessive-compulsive to a slight extent, and not exactly a perfectionist. When I want to do something, I jolly well made sure I put my 101% into it, or else I would not even bother. And these are not exactly the desirable traits one might expect, especially in the situation I'm caught up in. The last straw came when I realised no matter how much more effort I put in, as long as I don't get the sense of fulfillment that I hoped for, I would never be happy. Thus, the search for my true passion in life will have to start all over again.
I'm gibbering again. I shall retreat for sometime and sort out my thoughts. Period. ¶ 10:06 pm
